Just do it

While in college and neck deep into preparing for my MBA entrance exams, I and my brother had a discussion and he remarked- you always need to do the right thing.

At that point in time, I thought to myself that the statement my brother had made was just platitude. But today as I live my life on my own, I realise the gravity of that statement.

I try and use that statement as a yardstick for all actions that I undertake. In the process I have realised that it is not easy. The basic assumption for this is that you have been taught enough what right things are.


But as plain as it sounds it aint so easy to practise. At the peril of sounding like a moral science teacher, I state that it often takes courage to the do the right thing.

Courage to go against your own wishes and that of others. Life presents itself with so many situations, and to do the right things in all of the instances makes you live every moment of life with an intensity like you've never experienced!

Wishing myself well

Last week I had received a gift from a friend. My roomie took one look at the gift and remarked I was probably not the only person who had got that for a gift!!

I said "just another week to go..." and a friend remarked-"So is this like your tactic to get more gifts?"

My brithday is around the corner.

In fact my birthday is tomorrow.

Every now and then I am faced with people who dont want me to make a din about my birthday!

I wonder why! Theres a mothers day theres a fathers day, the nation has a holiday on Gandhi's birthday.So what happens on my birthday? Nothing. Worse I am expected to keep mum about it?

This is one day which has me written all over it. Even if I have to share this day with lots of people across the world,have people who I dont like born on days ahead of and behind mine!!
I would like to be wished by friends and family.I want to be happy about the fact I have managed to live 24 years on this earth.I want to celebrate being myself.

My brother once forgot his birthday. How can someone forget his/her own birthday??!

Every birthday to me like a milestone. Milestone of me living my life. Milestones that I have crossed with the help of my family and friends.Its the end of one chapter and start of a new one in the book that I have chosen to write-my life.

Its a stop and check and go for me to renew myself every once in a while.

I cherish every phone call I get. I cherish every gift that I receive. I value the people who stay up till 12 just to wish me.I am happy when friends fret over the fact they will not get through to me at 12 as they are somehow sure that my phone would be busy.

It makes me that much happy to know that in this world there a few souls who love me for what I am.

So here to myself...Happy Birthday!!!!!

On this occasion i want to thank appa, amma, anna, renju, hari, vaish, sanjana ma'am, anu, sanga, maddy, sandy, siddhu, vinay, satish, goose man,arpit, payal,VK sir, suzie boy and the icing on my cake for being around at all times.

Just to get back to blogging lest I forget!

Been quite out of touch so am just trying to get back into the "groove" of blogging.So here goes:


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Everybody is doing it. And they all love it. It is the biggest stress buster ever.Not everyone does it in full public view.

Some have a natural flair for it while for some its an acquired taste. Some do it in groups while some prefer one on one sessions.

Millions are doing it across the globe at this very minute and they are loving it by the minute.

Lets admit it. We all love to bitch!

Think about it-

We bitch while we travel in the cab in the morning.
We continue while we wash down breakfast in the morning.
We pick up where we stopped while the boss steps out of hearing vicinity.

We dont stop while gather for lunch or for tea.

We bitch while we go back in our cabs.

Once at home, we bitch to roomies. And to friends over phone. And to folks back home and not to forget over long distance calls to siblings.


We bitch about work. Now now. Thats too large a sphere.

We bitch about bosses. We bitch about super bosses. And their bosses. I have noticed in my case that at my level people are not privy to information abt the CEO. Hence we spare him. We leave that bitching to the super bosses.

We formulate strategies for the organization and wonder why the big bosses havent thought of it.

We bitch about colleagues- both within and outside our dept.

We bitch about systems, processes, out of turn promotions, people who get increments, merit increases, corrections.

We dont stop about the cafeteria food, the clothes people wear, the lecherous men.

At any given point in time I am privy to at least three intra office gossips and to atleast one inter office gossip.

While in college I whined endlessly about how much I hated my engg college classmates. In TISS me and a friend walked endlessly along the pathways just "talking" about classmates fieldwork guides and so on.

Go to a marriage and the relatives are endlessly bitching. Go to a party and the invitees have group bitching sessions.


All this bitching lead me to some introspection and I arrived at one logical conclusion- We hate each other!!!




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If there has been an assault to anyone respecting me as individual it has been the show Coffee with Karan.

As a friend puts it -its more like Poison with Karan.

Wonder what was the logic behind this apart from some Dharma productions arm twisting.

Here is Karan Johar- A man whose movies I avoid with a vengence, whose taste in clothing is as pancy as himself.

Why would I want to watch a man like him talk to his friends- not just once but over and over again, ask questions to which we all know answers to or are not too bothered about.

After insulting the intelligent movie goer he is now hunting for the silver blood of the ones who avoid his movies and just want to sit back at home and watch some TV!


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I was recently subject to an eve teasing incident. Its an invasion of privacy where some stranger walks up to you and speaks something what most people wouldnt talk within closed doors. What struck me was if two women had done what the two men did the other night, the men would have gladly said yes to it.

I have heard about Adam Teasing but I will ignore it because I dont see men committing suicide after they are teased.

Does He or does He not?!

There has never been a point in history when somebody ever remembered my name in the first go!
Now that my name has been discussed enough in my previous posts, I will move on!
The point is, if a human being who meets about say 50 people in a day cant remember my name even the 5th time he sees me, how will God remember me?
He is probably running the human mould 24*7 and how the hell would he remember me, especially when I dont fall in the line of people who reach out to him in the many ways they do!
Isnt he the one who decided to put me in this menagerie??Its like taking a kid to the zoo and forgetting him/her back there!!So now dont blame me if I behave like the animals inside the cage!
Just feels like He has forgotten about my existence.
For a change instead of the pic I am putting my mood in words: Uncomfortably numb!

Talk the talk and walk the walk!

I walk through the streets of an alien city
And as I walk my eyes rove to spot a familiar face
Who do I want to see? I know not
But do I really want to see anyone at all
I know not.
But what I do know is that I ran far far far away from madding crowd.
To a place I thought was unreachable for most
Only to find myself in yet another strange maddening crowd
A crowd that wants me to talk their talk and walk their walk!
But is there anyone who wants me to talk my talk and walk my walk?
Think my eyes are roving for people who want me to talk and walk the way I want to!


The above is not a poem...neither is it a write up. Its indecisive on what it wants to be and hence I empathise and leave it the way it is. This is based on the feeling that I have been having in the past few days. This feeling that engulfs me once in a while. Probably when am walking aimlessly in a mall or maybe just talking to friends...

help!

Help
I need somebody...
Help
not just anybody
Help

You know i need someone....

help!!

-Beatles

I am sure all you matchmakers are going to go beserk thinking of a 100 ways to hook me up!!!

But save that trouble.

I need some help in revamping my blog. I think it needs that l'il bit of fresh air....

I was very impressed with the outlay of my friend priyadarshini's blog. She is the one with the big binary feet;)! http://binaryfootprints.blogspot.com/
I have a few ideas in my head. So anyone out there wants to help plz let me know.

And before you get fooled into thinking that the services will be paid for in cash or kind let me assure you, my love is all you will get and that my friend will be in truckloads!!!


Think about it. By helping me you are actually helping yourselves by reading my stuff in a better looking environment. and you know what? God helps those who help themselves!!!!!!!
(PS: No tongue in cheek comments on how I should help myself ...plz...get creative;))

Restless

I begin my New Year restlessly.
My mind is working over time and nothing seems to stop it. I sift my music tracks with a worrying impatience.
Can I just run away from all thoughts and never have to face them at all.
I have been an escapist all my life. The one who has taken the safer route, not the easy one necessarily. But nevertheless.I hope my employers are not reading this but I am definitely the most indecisive person who has ever walked the earth. I cant decide on a restaurant. I cant decide on a dinner menu. I cant...
How I wish I could just shut my eyes and just escape my thoughts.Maybe transported to a land where I dont have to think of anything.
I just want to run away from reality now.

New Year Time!

Its New Year Time...
Its that time of the year when everybody is racking their brains to do something on New years Eve and usher it in style. Not that ushering it in style is going to make any big difference to their lives. But still.
Think I lost the urge to usher New Year in style when I was in school. Then, my parents didnt let me out. Now I dont want to be let out. I was explaining this to a friend and he said " I can see the frustration buddy"
!!!!!!?????!
I really dont feel it anymore. It beats me as to why people start making plans about New Year a week in advance, most of them just to get pissed drunk(which they would get anyways). But asking people what they are upto for New year is always great conversation material. If someone even mentions about staying back home I act as though thats the worst sin to be committed(just so that I add to that social pressure, in case it were missing).

I prefer staying home on New years Eve. Not because I want to spend time with family(I speak to family about twice in the day, and if I am at home- I am already spending enough time with them- so much that they harbour thoughts of sending me off asap). I want to stay back because thats what I have done for a major part of my life and it has grown on me.

Earlier it used to be just me bro and dad watching TV. Then when Bro left home it was just me and dad.Bro would call up at 12 and wish us.

Now am sure dad is going to be off for some midnight special pooja. Mum is the only constant one. She will go to sleep at ten. So that leaves me. And I will continue with Dec 31st as just another day. Sleeping in the safe haven of my home.

The point that I love about New year is that you have the license to begin everything on a new note. New notes of resolution(in my mind-never documented for fear of being verified at the end of year)- I will manager money better. I will .... i will......
Just like a slate where you can wipe of all the crappy stuff you wrote the previous year and hope to write better things this year(and you know heart of heart that it going to turn crappy by the end of the year).
So heres wishing you all a very happy new year.... May your slates be clean and neat for the year!!!















pic taken from: http://images.google.co.in/imgres?imgurl=http://www.romanceeverafter.com/images/Little_Girl_Sleeping.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.romanceeverafter.com/rosemary_halawa_-_photography.htm&h=251&w=171&sz=18&hl=en&start=17&tbnid=y60vdWrZX3nSeM:&tbnh=111&tbnw=76&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dgirl%2Bsleeping%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN

Itz that time of the year

Hurrah! It's that time of the year when the christmas decorations go up!!

The last few thoughts in Colombo

As we walked into the Colombo airport, I was upto my old antics- acting cranky about leaving a place that I was getting used.

We were grossly late and my heart sank when I saw the long line outside the aiport. The UN Blue Corps(Sri Lankan guys) were getting inside.

It was truly a mixed bag of emotions. Some of them were clicking pictures. A newly wed was in tears as she bid farewell to her husband. Few others were making last minute phone calls-probably to folks back home who couldnt afford to be there to wish goodbye.

Wonder how it felt to be fighting for a country that was not your own. Wonder if they even knew the cause for which they were fighting for. Maybe it was just the hope that all their efforts would be repaid by someone else who will fight in a foreign land and protect their loved ones.


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I got unto the flight and I was already high on sugar. To worsen things I was allotted the middle seat. To my right was Vidya and to my left was Anish. God save their souls I thought to myself. The flight purser watched in horror as I took more than my fair share of chocolates and loaded them in my purse for a rainy day!

Vidya was screaming to the air hostess to get me some food in the hope that I would just conk off to sleep!!!

But now unto something more serious.. I plugged in my ear phones and closed my eyes. I have this weird habit of listening to songs on repeat mode. I have been listening to just three songs continously throughout my entire trip.

As the first lines of the song began, I felt like I was elsewhere. I struggled a bit to identify what I was feeling. Then it struck me.

I spotted the place. I had heard the same song reptitively when I was sitting in the beach in Mt.Lavinia. I could feel it very clearly. I felt exactly the way I did when I was lying down as the sun went down (and for once I was not a spoil sport about getting my hair dirty with all the sand.)


Now all I need to do whenever I feel like going to Mt.Lavinia, is to listen to this song!! Love it.

Preethi's tag- Things that I love abt my childhood!

I had been meaning to write this post in answer to a tag by Preethi.ON my drive back from Galle, I found myself naturally drifting into my memories of my childhood. What was that I loved the most about my childhood. When did my childhood start and end?


After thinking enough I came to the conclusion that childhood ended for me somewhere around the time my 10th std exams got over. The thoughts churned in my head and it felt wonderful to go through those lovely days.

Here are a few things that I love so much about my childhood. I found tears trickling down when I wrote about it. The feeling was too good for me to let go of it that I have decided not to write about things I hate about my child hood.


This post is dedicated to appa and amma who gave me a childhood which I cant find fault with. I wonder if I can ever give such beautiful times to my child. I for sure will be a painful mother!!!!



I loved the routine of my childhood.

I loved the fact that I had a routine. Not a day to day routine but a routine for many years. I didn’t have to bother about what I was going to do next. I just had to go to school year after year! I went to the same school for 14 years. Life didn’t changed drastically. I went to school with people who had been going to the same school for years. Unlike a lot of the novels there has never been a summer where things changed for good!


Queen of my world

I was the queen of my world. My parents treated me like I was the next best thing to have graced the world. My teachers were really fond of me. I had a decent set of friends. I was great at studies. I could rattle off the Vedas by just having listened to my brother say them. I had friends who were twice my age. Students in the 12th class knew me when I was in 4th std. I read Thomas Hardy from my brothers English books when I was in 4th std. I felt great about myself!!!!


Endless Clause Analysis

I loved my English classes and teachers. I was the pet of all my English teachers. I loved the routine of grammar. I loved clause analysis. I would do clause analysis of sentences in my physics and chemistry books. Clause Analysis is like dish washing. Have you ever washed dishes with a lot of soap? It gives you a sense of cleansing the world around you. While I did clause analysis I felt like that. I could break down every sentence you said, clean the mistakes in it and leave it the way it should be.

Mum

There is no doubt that I was the daddy’s girl. But I miss the bond I shared with my mum. My mum who knew all that happened in my life- my friends, my teachers, my lessons, my marks, my dresses. I miss that mum. Mum today is a very different person. I miss the routines with my mum.

After school routine:

I used to love that part of the day when I used to come back from school, sit on the kitchen slab, slurping some mango juice and recounting to amma what had happened right from the morning prayer to how someone broke my red lead pen to how much I loved her curd rice to evening national anthem. I don’t think anyone has appreciated every V.Good in my books than her. I think my mum was reliving a childhood that she had always wanted through me. Every victory that I scored- by means of marks or otherwise was hers.

First day of school:

I had this ritual that I went by car on the first day of every school year with amma. When I was a little kid she would drop me off till the class, find a good seat and wave bye from the window and leave.

Lunch by the tree:
My mum brought lunch for me till I learnt to eat on my own. I used to love sitting under the trees and eating her lunch. When I was growing up, everytime I fell sick and was recovering she would bring me lunch and a bar of chocolate. I miss these to no extent.

Yearly Family Holidays:

I loved the yearly holidays that we used to take as a family. We sometimes went with Bhajj uncles family. Bhajj uncle taught me how to eat with a fork and knife. Bhajj uncle always claimed right in the middle of our holidays that “ we are living beyond our means”.I didn’t realize the meaning of those words until long time.Our trips to athibelle, thekkady is etched forever in my mind and family holidays have never been so pleasurable as these. What I probably didn’t realize then was the fact that these were dads who were working hard for a living and working harder to keep their families happy. Loved those times.





Cycles:

I used to be taken by my brother in his cycle where I sat on the front bar(just like in the movies). He would either drop me till the bus stop or we went till the video store to rent a movie. I used to love this. I hadn’t seen any other brother do this. My brother urged my dad to buy me a cycle. He selected my hero ranger straight bar cycle for me. I loved those times when I just cycled aimlessly with my cycling friends in my summer holidays.


Dad

My dad was my hero when I was a child. He still is. He spoke the best English. He used words which I didn’t knew existed. Dad had the best manners. Dad took me to all the five stars hotels imagineable – even if were living beyond our means. He hugged me. Only he was allowed to sign my progress reports which shined with my O grades even though he would forget which std I was studying in. I loved dad. I hated people who hated dad. Everything that dad said and did was right. I loved his shiny bald head! I thought bald men are more intelligent because dad was bald and he built beautiful houses!! Now tell me how many dads can do that. I loved standing in front while he drove the scooter. I was super excited when I heard dad’s car horn.

At nights when I used to wake up and look around confused dad was there to tell me it wasn’t time yet to wake up. He would hug me, pull up my blanket and urge me to go back to sleep.

Now when I wake up in the middle of the night, there is a sense of desperation to hear someone say its okie to sleep a bit more. Its all okie.

I think I loved this the most- the security of my childhood.

Thoughts from SriLanka

Thoughts from Sri Lanka:

I haven’t maintained a log of all my activities in Sri Lanka but these were some thoughts I wrote in my little notebook when I traveled everyday.


The thought that struck me the most in Sri Lanka is about identity.

I had never traveled outside India before this trip.

I always felt an identity is what you create for yourself. I have always had trouble with any other sort of Government identity(not everyone has a name with 31 letters in it)


But the word identity took a whole new dimension for me here in Sri Lanka. All Sri Lankans are expected to carry a national identity card here everyday. Without that they can be detained by the army, police, spl task force or anybody posing with guns and wearing a uniform.

I have always been interested in studying how order of society came into being. In that context I should have been a supporter of the “identity card” world.


But I sure hate the idea of identity cards. I hate being frisked. I hate the idea where a card defines me. But isn’t it a pity for a nation in having to identify its own people. Am sure there a sizeable chunk of people who have no form of Government identity back home. Yet they can roam the streets of their hometown and no son with a gun can stop him.



Civil War:

I am not a war supporter. Given a chance I would be an anti war supporter. But I also get irritated when peace talks get nowhere. But that is me. Confused.

The one war that no nation should fight is a civil war. But having to fight people of your own country(no matter what they claim to be) , to divide your own country, to having to differentiate among your own people is as bad as it can get.



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Life in Colombo:

The streets of Colombo get deserted by around 7 PM. The city claims to have an active night life- clubs, pubs, casinos - Everyone parties in the safety of four walls.

But I think they are sick of partying indoors.

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The Sri Lankan:

There is something in the voice of a lot of Lankans that is beseeching. Beseeching someone to stop the war.

A driver who was ferrying us around the city spoke about how India should help Sri Lanka by monitoring the Indo Lanka maritime border. Alwis spoke of how the beaches in the North and East(the war torn part) is much better than the beach we were in. Nilanka took great pride in the fact that Sri Lanka had a variety of cultures- Sinhalese, Tamil, Muslims. Almost everyone talks about the lost opportunity in trade. Sri Lanka has great resources they say – gems for eg. Tourism is grossly underutilized.

But despite all this, Sri Lankans are true to their key chains and t shirts- SMILE LIKE A SRI LANKAN! And what a smile that is - genuine and filled with a simplicity that tugs at your heart…

Somebody do something and stop the Civil War

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As I traveled to work everyday we passed through a lot of small towns. I could have easily been in Kerala for everything in Sri Lanka bears an uncanny similarity with Kerala. They serve dosai, Idyappam(called string hoppers) and pittu(puttu in mallu). The folks here have a dark complexion and endlessly long and curly hair. Women were dressed much like the Nair Sisters from Sabyasachi Mazumdar’s collection.

The market visit took us into numerous grocery stores. All of them reminded me of my mum’s native place. There was a smell in the air which brought back memories of my rare trips to her house in Kerala.

Feelingless in Galle

Feelingless in Galle:


We spent our Saturday driving through the coastal road called Galle Road, for it lead to Galle. Everyone had told us about how scenic Galle was.

The drive was brilliant. It wasn’t just about driving along the coast. It was more to do with seeing Sri Lanka. We passed through numerous small towns- Moratuwa, lots of places ending with the word gama. We stopped at a place offering buffet sea food breakfasts. The world we realized is skewed towards non vegetarians and alcoholics. I and Vidya were happy that we had thulped breakfast before we started. We proceeded towards Hokkaduwa. We undertook a half hour boat ride where we viewed corals through the glass bottom of the boat.

I was amazed by the underwater life. I was more amazed by the way my life was shaping up. I was being sent to places which I wouldn’t visited on my own accord(for lack of funds). Right from Lucknow to Amritsar to Colombo.

Our next pit stop was a Dutch Fort in Galle. I would have normally stopped and read a bit about the history of the fort but the rains played spoil sport. We hurriedly posed for pics and scurried towards the van. We moved towards the beach at Unawattuna. We drove till the corner of the beach. It was now my turn to play spoil sport. I refused to wet my hair and just stood there waist deep in water while Anish and vidya ventured in. I also ran and took cover in the shacks whenever it began to rain. SPOILSPORT!!!

The jing bang consisted of I anish vidya, alwis from the office and his son rishwa. Of all of us I think Rishwa had the most fun. He was out there swimming, playing with his dad in the water, throwing stones and counting how many times it skimmed the water surface, eating ravenously off all our plates. He was soaking wet till his bones, he had a cold but he was loving it. I could also see that Anish was enjoying it. He just sat there having his beer in the rain, gorging on his chicken, smoking his cigarette.



At about three thirty we decided to head towards what was called the Lighthouse. As I entered the place I thought to myself “oh just another snobbish hotel” The Lighthouse belied all our expectations. I will post pics/ videos of the hotel rather than described for I would do no justice to the beauty of the place.

I sat on one of the numerous tables bordering the seaface. I watched the sea- the waves, how they broke against the rocks and washed ashore. I knew I was being engulfed by a calm which I couldn’t take on my own. I plugged my ipod and listen to some songs repetitively. What is it about the sea that soothes us?

To me it is the continue routine of the seeing the waves. I cant differentiate one from the other. But I take comfort in the thought that when one dies there will be another similar one. Friends who know me well know that I hate changes. Though I adapt well to changes, I am as bad as it can get at the face of change.
As I sat there I felt an emotion to which I struggle to put a name even now. So I took the reverse route. I listed in my mind some emotions I have experienced and tried to do a checkmark against each of them


Was I happy?

Well I wasn’t sad.

Was I melancholic?

Yes, definitely but that didn’t completely explain the way I felt. Melancholy was more an outcome of the way I was feeling.

Was I missing someone?

Hmmm…. Technically shouldn’t I be saying that I was missing family and friends. No I wasn’t missing anyone. Think that is what living alone does to you. I did wish appa saw this building. He would have loved the architecture. After all its not everyday you get to sit in a place from where you can descend a flight of stairs and reach the sea!!!

Strangely I also did not want to share this moment with anyone. Anish wanted to be there on a date with someone. I wouldn’t mind a date but am okie like this I thought to myself!

Back to what I felt.

Did I feel a bit betrayed?

Yes. I could trace a bit of betrayal- of lost friendships.

It was getting a bit tiresome. I really couldn’t find that one word that would explain state of mind and out me at ease. I sat there clutching my legs and watching the sea.
I have strange habit of praying to seas and mountains. I truly believe there is someone listening!

So I tried praying and pray I did.

No I didn’t realize why I felt like that. But I prayed for something that I wanted to feel about.

If I wrote about that too, then there wouldn’t be much left to imagination.

mood for the day:

Sometimes whenyou are not aroundpeople you want to be and everyone seems to be waiting to misconstrue what you are saying, music is the best companion. Havent left my ipod for a minute for the past couple of days! Never had more fun being by myself!

Ayubowan ppl.... Thatz me with Anish in Colombo. Flicked it from Anish's orkut Album.

Mood for the day:

Think...rather know that the original(featuring me !) looks better..will post that from India!!

Song in head :

Dum tara dum tara mast mast....dum tara dum tara jhashn jhashn!

Have fallen in love completely with Srilanka- the beaches, the people(The men esp;))! the accent, the warmth, the hospitality. Have been talking in typical sing song manner for a while now much to a lot of people's annoy!

Have loads of thoughts. Will compile them when I get back home. Tired myself out completely by posing for pictures.

My phone hasnt rung in a while now. Shows how much people back home(except for appa and amma) miss me!!!

Ceylon!

Thoughts from Ceylon:

While shopping at Odel-the mini version of our malls

I walked into a section having natural soaps. My eyes fell on this package which was called the Desperate Housewives special. I asked the lady at the counter what the package contained. When I noticed there was nothing much different in it, I asked her then why it was called

the Desperate housewives collection. " It is good for housewives Madam".

Display pic for the day:

tell me what you think

Thought I will start this new format on my blog. Am not sure if there are other similar blogs/ people using this form of expression(Am sure there are!!)

I shall post a photo a day.I may use my own pics or I might google for it. This image will be a reflection of my mood for that day. I may or may not explain why I feel so. Feel free to interpret and leave your comments.

There is Hope!

As I waited for my turn in the lunch queue, I got a call from a Mumbai number.

I smiled.

" Akila, Its me"

"Yes Sir"

" You are okie?"

"Yes sir"

" What happened after I called last night?"

" Cant tell you right now sir, but am okie"

"if you are not just tell me, I will fly down"


A few hours later, I met this mad woman called arpita joshi online.

As we ended our conversation, which was filled with my cribbings, she bade me farewell.

"Tell my Hi to the ocean" , she said.

Those words of hers brought back memories of our mad times at TISS. Hour long discussions on music, books, people, arguments, movies, my disgusting alarm clock, her weird sleeping postures, our common lifeline-Payal.

I leaned back and told myself "RELAX, there is still some goodness left in the world"

Worried!

I have not been at peace for the past couple of days.

I have been in a mood to whine.


I worry that there isnt much kindness left in people. So much so we might run out of it completely one day. Friends say I am the eternal pessimist-not without enough reason.

Some say I am over reacting. I think am just worried.


I am just worried, that I see so much insensitivity, rudeness and loathing everyday that I might forget to count my blessings and be happy.

Some stare at me quizzically, as though I am on the look out for something Utopian when all I am asking for is just a tad bit of extra kindness in all of us.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.


-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning


I sometimes wonder if it is ever possible to love any as much. To love someone as much would be love yourself lesser or maybe not.

Do they even make people who love as much and who can be loved as much anymore?