New Year Time!

Its New Year Time...
Its that time of the year when everybody is racking their brains to do something on New years Eve and usher it in style. Not that ushering it in style is going to make any big difference to their lives. But still.
Think I lost the urge to usher New Year in style when I was in school. Then, my parents didnt let me out. Now I dont want to be let out. I was explaining this to a friend and he said " I can see the frustration buddy"
!!!!!!?????!
I really dont feel it anymore. It beats me as to why people start making plans about New Year a week in advance, most of them just to get pissed drunk(which they would get anyways). But asking people what they are upto for New year is always great conversation material. If someone even mentions about staying back home I act as though thats the worst sin to be committed(just so that I add to that social pressure, in case it were missing).

I prefer staying home on New years Eve. Not because I want to spend time with family(I speak to family about twice in the day, and if I am at home- I am already spending enough time with them- so much that they harbour thoughts of sending me off asap). I want to stay back because thats what I have done for a major part of my life and it has grown on me.

Earlier it used to be just me bro and dad watching TV. Then when Bro left home it was just me and dad.Bro would call up at 12 and wish us.

Now am sure dad is going to be off for some midnight special pooja. Mum is the only constant one. She will go to sleep at ten. So that leaves me. And I will continue with Dec 31st as just another day. Sleeping in the safe haven of my home.

The point that I love about New year is that you have the license to begin everything on a new note. New notes of resolution(in my mind-never documented for fear of being verified at the end of year)- I will manager money better. I will .... i will......
Just like a slate where you can wipe of all the crappy stuff you wrote the previous year and hope to write better things this year(and you know heart of heart that it going to turn crappy by the end of the year).
So heres wishing you all a very happy new year.... May your slates be clean and neat for the year!!!















pic taken from: http://images.google.co.in/imgres?imgurl=http://www.romanceeverafter.com/images/Little_Girl_Sleeping.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.romanceeverafter.com/rosemary_halawa_-_photography.htm&h=251&w=171&sz=18&hl=en&start=17&tbnid=y60vdWrZX3nSeM:&tbnh=111&tbnw=76&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dgirl%2Bsleeping%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN

Itz that time of the year

Hurrah! It's that time of the year when the christmas decorations go up!!

The last few thoughts in Colombo

As we walked into the Colombo airport, I was upto my old antics- acting cranky about leaving a place that I was getting used.

We were grossly late and my heart sank when I saw the long line outside the aiport. The UN Blue Corps(Sri Lankan guys) were getting inside.

It was truly a mixed bag of emotions. Some of them were clicking pictures. A newly wed was in tears as she bid farewell to her husband. Few others were making last minute phone calls-probably to folks back home who couldnt afford to be there to wish goodbye.

Wonder how it felt to be fighting for a country that was not your own. Wonder if they even knew the cause for which they were fighting for. Maybe it was just the hope that all their efforts would be repaid by someone else who will fight in a foreign land and protect their loved ones.


************************************************************************************

I got unto the flight and I was already high on sugar. To worsen things I was allotted the middle seat. To my right was Vidya and to my left was Anish. God save their souls I thought to myself. The flight purser watched in horror as I took more than my fair share of chocolates and loaded them in my purse for a rainy day!

Vidya was screaming to the air hostess to get me some food in the hope that I would just conk off to sleep!!!

But now unto something more serious.. I plugged in my ear phones and closed my eyes. I have this weird habit of listening to songs on repeat mode. I have been listening to just three songs continously throughout my entire trip.

As the first lines of the song began, I felt like I was elsewhere. I struggled a bit to identify what I was feeling. Then it struck me.

I spotted the place. I had heard the same song reptitively when I was sitting in the beach in Mt.Lavinia. I could feel it very clearly. I felt exactly the way I did when I was lying down as the sun went down (and for once I was not a spoil sport about getting my hair dirty with all the sand.)


Now all I need to do whenever I feel like going to Mt.Lavinia, is to listen to this song!! Love it.

Preethi's tag- Things that I love abt my childhood!

I had been meaning to write this post in answer to a tag by Preethi.ON my drive back from Galle, I found myself naturally drifting into my memories of my childhood. What was that I loved the most about my childhood. When did my childhood start and end?


After thinking enough I came to the conclusion that childhood ended for me somewhere around the time my 10th std exams got over. The thoughts churned in my head and it felt wonderful to go through those lovely days.

Here are a few things that I love so much about my childhood. I found tears trickling down when I wrote about it. The feeling was too good for me to let go of it that I have decided not to write about things I hate about my child hood.


This post is dedicated to appa and amma who gave me a childhood which I cant find fault with. I wonder if I can ever give such beautiful times to my child. I for sure will be a painful mother!!!!



I loved the routine of my childhood.

I loved the fact that I had a routine. Not a day to day routine but a routine for many years. I didn’t have to bother about what I was going to do next. I just had to go to school year after year! I went to the same school for 14 years. Life didn’t changed drastically. I went to school with people who had been going to the same school for years. Unlike a lot of the novels there has never been a summer where things changed for good!


Queen of my world

I was the queen of my world. My parents treated me like I was the next best thing to have graced the world. My teachers were really fond of me. I had a decent set of friends. I was great at studies. I could rattle off the Vedas by just having listened to my brother say them. I had friends who were twice my age. Students in the 12th class knew me when I was in 4th std. I read Thomas Hardy from my brothers English books when I was in 4th std. I felt great about myself!!!!


Endless Clause Analysis

I loved my English classes and teachers. I was the pet of all my English teachers. I loved the routine of grammar. I loved clause analysis. I would do clause analysis of sentences in my physics and chemistry books. Clause Analysis is like dish washing. Have you ever washed dishes with a lot of soap? It gives you a sense of cleansing the world around you. While I did clause analysis I felt like that. I could break down every sentence you said, clean the mistakes in it and leave it the way it should be.

Mum

There is no doubt that I was the daddy’s girl. But I miss the bond I shared with my mum. My mum who knew all that happened in my life- my friends, my teachers, my lessons, my marks, my dresses. I miss that mum. Mum today is a very different person. I miss the routines with my mum.

After school routine:

I used to love that part of the day when I used to come back from school, sit on the kitchen slab, slurping some mango juice and recounting to amma what had happened right from the morning prayer to how someone broke my red lead pen to how much I loved her curd rice to evening national anthem. I don’t think anyone has appreciated every V.Good in my books than her. I think my mum was reliving a childhood that she had always wanted through me. Every victory that I scored- by means of marks or otherwise was hers.

First day of school:

I had this ritual that I went by car on the first day of every school year with amma. When I was a little kid she would drop me off till the class, find a good seat and wave bye from the window and leave.

Lunch by the tree:
My mum brought lunch for me till I learnt to eat on my own. I used to love sitting under the trees and eating her lunch. When I was growing up, everytime I fell sick and was recovering she would bring me lunch and a bar of chocolate. I miss these to no extent.

Yearly Family Holidays:

I loved the yearly holidays that we used to take as a family. We sometimes went with Bhajj uncles family. Bhajj uncle taught me how to eat with a fork and knife. Bhajj uncle always claimed right in the middle of our holidays that “ we are living beyond our means”.I didn’t realize the meaning of those words until long time.Our trips to athibelle, thekkady is etched forever in my mind and family holidays have never been so pleasurable as these. What I probably didn’t realize then was the fact that these were dads who were working hard for a living and working harder to keep their families happy. Loved those times.





Cycles:

I used to be taken by my brother in his cycle where I sat on the front bar(just like in the movies). He would either drop me till the bus stop or we went till the video store to rent a movie. I used to love this. I hadn’t seen any other brother do this. My brother urged my dad to buy me a cycle. He selected my hero ranger straight bar cycle for me. I loved those times when I just cycled aimlessly with my cycling friends in my summer holidays.


Dad

My dad was my hero when I was a child. He still is. He spoke the best English. He used words which I didn’t knew existed. Dad had the best manners. Dad took me to all the five stars hotels imagineable – even if were living beyond our means. He hugged me. Only he was allowed to sign my progress reports which shined with my O grades even though he would forget which std I was studying in. I loved dad. I hated people who hated dad. Everything that dad said and did was right. I loved his shiny bald head! I thought bald men are more intelligent because dad was bald and he built beautiful houses!! Now tell me how many dads can do that. I loved standing in front while he drove the scooter. I was super excited when I heard dad’s car horn.

At nights when I used to wake up and look around confused dad was there to tell me it wasn’t time yet to wake up. He would hug me, pull up my blanket and urge me to go back to sleep.

Now when I wake up in the middle of the night, there is a sense of desperation to hear someone say its okie to sleep a bit more. Its all okie.

I think I loved this the most- the security of my childhood.

Thoughts from SriLanka

Thoughts from Sri Lanka:

I haven’t maintained a log of all my activities in Sri Lanka but these were some thoughts I wrote in my little notebook when I traveled everyday.


The thought that struck me the most in Sri Lanka is about identity.

I had never traveled outside India before this trip.

I always felt an identity is what you create for yourself. I have always had trouble with any other sort of Government identity(not everyone has a name with 31 letters in it)


But the word identity took a whole new dimension for me here in Sri Lanka. All Sri Lankans are expected to carry a national identity card here everyday. Without that they can be detained by the army, police, spl task force or anybody posing with guns and wearing a uniform.

I have always been interested in studying how order of society came into being. In that context I should have been a supporter of the “identity card” world.


But I sure hate the idea of identity cards. I hate being frisked. I hate the idea where a card defines me. But isn’t it a pity for a nation in having to identify its own people. Am sure there a sizeable chunk of people who have no form of Government identity back home. Yet they can roam the streets of their hometown and no son with a gun can stop him.



Civil War:

I am not a war supporter. Given a chance I would be an anti war supporter. But I also get irritated when peace talks get nowhere. But that is me. Confused.

The one war that no nation should fight is a civil war. But having to fight people of your own country(no matter what they claim to be) , to divide your own country, to having to differentiate among your own people is as bad as it can get.



********************************************************************************

Life in Colombo:

The streets of Colombo get deserted by around 7 PM. The city claims to have an active night life- clubs, pubs, casinos - Everyone parties in the safety of four walls.

But I think they are sick of partying indoors.

***********************************************************************************

The Sri Lankan:

There is something in the voice of a lot of Lankans that is beseeching. Beseeching someone to stop the war.

A driver who was ferrying us around the city spoke about how India should help Sri Lanka by monitoring the Indo Lanka maritime border. Alwis spoke of how the beaches in the North and East(the war torn part) is much better than the beach we were in. Nilanka took great pride in the fact that Sri Lanka had a variety of cultures- Sinhalese, Tamil, Muslims. Almost everyone talks about the lost opportunity in trade. Sri Lanka has great resources they say – gems for eg. Tourism is grossly underutilized.

But despite all this, Sri Lankans are true to their key chains and t shirts- SMILE LIKE A SRI LANKAN! And what a smile that is - genuine and filled with a simplicity that tugs at your heart…

Somebody do something and stop the Civil War

******************************************************************************

As I traveled to work everyday we passed through a lot of small towns. I could have easily been in Kerala for everything in Sri Lanka bears an uncanny similarity with Kerala. They serve dosai, Idyappam(called string hoppers) and pittu(puttu in mallu). The folks here have a dark complexion and endlessly long and curly hair. Women were dressed much like the Nair Sisters from Sabyasachi Mazumdar’s collection.

The market visit took us into numerous grocery stores. All of them reminded me of my mum’s native place. There was a smell in the air which brought back memories of my rare trips to her house in Kerala.

Feelingless in Galle

Feelingless in Galle:


We spent our Saturday driving through the coastal road called Galle Road, for it lead to Galle. Everyone had told us about how scenic Galle was.

The drive was brilliant. It wasn’t just about driving along the coast. It was more to do with seeing Sri Lanka. We passed through numerous small towns- Moratuwa, lots of places ending with the word gama. We stopped at a place offering buffet sea food breakfasts. The world we realized is skewed towards non vegetarians and alcoholics. I and Vidya were happy that we had thulped breakfast before we started. We proceeded towards Hokkaduwa. We undertook a half hour boat ride where we viewed corals through the glass bottom of the boat.

I was amazed by the underwater life. I was more amazed by the way my life was shaping up. I was being sent to places which I wouldn’t visited on my own accord(for lack of funds). Right from Lucknow to Amritsar to Colombo.

Our next pit stop was a Dutch Fort in Galle. I would have normally stopped and read a bit about the history of the fort but the rains played spoil sport. We hurriedly posed for pics and scurried towards the van. We moved towards the beach at Unawattuna. We drove till the corner of the beach. It was now my turn to play spoil sport. I refused to wet my hair and just stood there waist deep in water while Anish and vidya ventured in. I also ran and took cover in the shacks whenever it began to rain. SPOILSPORT!!!

The jing bang consisted of I anish vidya, alwis from the office and his son rishwa. Of all of us I think Rishwa had the most fun. He was out there swimming, playing with his dad in the water, throwing stones and counting how many times it skimmed the water surface, eating ravenously off all our plates. He was soaking wet till his bones, he had a cold but he was loving it. I could also see that Anish was enjoying it. He just sat there having his beer in the rain, gorging on his chicken, smoking his cigarette.



At about three thirty we decided to head towards what was called the Lighthouse. As I entered the place I thought to myself “oh just another snobbish hotel” The Lighthouse belied all our expectations. I will post pics/ videos of the hotel rather than described for I would do no justice to the beauty of the place.

I sat on one of the numerous tables bordering the seaface. I watched the sea- the waves, how they broke against the rocks and washed ashore. I knew I was being engulfed by a calm which I couldn’t take on my own. I plugged my ipod and listen to some songs repetitively. What is it about the sea that soothes us?

To me it is the continue routine of the seeing the waves. I cant differentiate one from the other. But I take comfort in the thought that when one dies there will be another similar one. Friends who know me well know that I hate changes. Though I adapt well to changes, I am as bad as it can get at the face of change.
As I sat there I felt an emotion to which I struggle to put a name even now. So I took the reverse route. I listed in my mind some emotions I have experienced and tried to do a checkmark against each of them


Was I happy?

Well I wasn’t sad.

Was I melancholic?

Yes, definitely but that didn’t completely explain the way I felt. Melancholy was more an outcome of the way I was feeling.

Was I missing someone?

Hmmm…. Technically shouldn’t I be saying that I was missing family and friends. No I wasn’t missing anyone. Think that is what living alone does to you. I did wish appa saw this building. He would have loved the architecture. After all its not everyday you get to sit in a place from where you can descend a flight of stairs and reach the sea!!!

Strangely I also did not want to share this moment with anyone. Anish wanted to be there on a date with someone. I wouldn’t mind a date but am okie like this I thought to myself!

Back to what I felt.

Did I feel a bit betrayed?

Yes. I could trace a bit of betrayal- of lost friendships.

It was getting a bit tiresome. I really couldn’t find that one word that would explain state of mind and out me at ease. I sat there clutching my legs and watching the sea.
I have strange habit of praying to seas and mountains. I truly believe there is someone listening!

So I tried praying and pray I did.

No I didn’t realize why I felt like that. But I prayed for something that I wanted to feel about.

If I wrote about that too, then there wouldn’t be much left to imagination.