That will be the day!

Started today with max enthu. Why? Because I had not done much work yesterday. Simple aint it?

Anyways. Started my day at sector 18 today. Sector 18- noida- where all roads lead to the mall.

Entered this place called Top Breads in the same sector.

suave? no

swank? no

hmmmm, I am still searching for a word to describe this place.

aH, Well NICE. That is the word.

It is a small, nice , little place. I entered to find the owner talking to the manager. After exchanging a few words with Tarun(owner)he granted permission to randomly pick out people and make them answer my seemingly stupid questions.I took my position- geared to pounce on unwitting customers who entered the shop to answer my questionnaire.

There were not many customers at that point of the day. So i chose a nice little table for myself- a two seater, right next to the salad bar, took out my book and started on it.

The manager was gracious enough to order a lemonade for me.

Now I havent heard the word lemonade in ages. The last time I heard of it was when I was reading Enid Blyton. Lemonade, orangade, kidney pie. Enid Blyton made even milk sound yummy in her books.

I got a green liquid in a huge glass and saw mint leaves floating on top. Ah mint, the perfect coolant for the summer. The drink superceeded my expectations.

It was perfect. The salad bar, the leamonade, the book, the manager Mr.Banerjee (who was an elderly gentleman who was really sweet with me and had no issues with me hanging around)

The place was all set, waiting for the customers to arrive. The bread was freshly baked. The donuts had just been placed on the shelf, the pastries looked exciting. The tea was brewing. The salad bar had just been set. Macaroni, veggies to chicken. Everything! Chilled and ready to be taken away.

I sat there in my corner soaking in every sight of this place. The ambience was to my liking- Wood all over the place.

I sat there and watched the people who came in. The things they bought. I troubled a few of them with my questions. But technically I could have just been sitting there the whole day.

I missed my near and dear ones when I saw friends and family meet up there.

I tried to make up ideas in my head as to what people might be thinking when they came into that place. I conjured up imaginary dialogues between two girls(one who resembled my sister in law) , an angry young lady who walked in fuming, another lady with her kid and pink motorazr.

I was amused by the sight of a very elegant lady who hopped skipped and jumped at the sight of a salad bar. She took a cup and started filling it. Five minutes later she was still piling on the salad in her cup.

I knew I could have easily become a fixture in that place. Someone who sat there all day with her book and ya, ate her salad and drank her lemonade too!

It wasnt one of those pseudo places where the TV was turned on but was on mute with the music blaring loud. Both of it was playing. But you couldnt mistake one for the other. Neither did it interfere. Taste-that is what they call it. Taste.

I truly wished I could have been with my bro and rajini there. It seemed like a place they might have liked too!(They claim to be classy-cant help this wink;))

I reluctantly reminded myself that I had work beyond top breads. So i wrapped my questionnaire session. Thanked Mr.Banerjee . On my way out I swore to myself that I would be back there if ever I write a book. With my notebook and music I will be there- in the table by the salad bar.

chut mut

Taking a well deserved break from my market visit right now.

I am out in the blistering and if I can add barnacles sun, while the youth of India waste themselves away in AC offices. Now that I have rubben in enough that I am working hard I shall promptly move on.

My thoughts are into two parts. The first part is as follows. The next one will follow when I am a bit more relaxed and not so burnt out(I dont miss a chance to show off).

I realised, at the danger of sounding like the recent peter england ad, that what I want in life is really the smaller things.

Small joys in my life take precedence over most things.

Small joys of going to a nice bistro with family/friends. I have never gone on a nice lunch with my brother(Blame it on coimbatore which has nothing close to what is in the metros/other cities). I would love to go on a nice lunch/sunday brunch with my brother and my to be sister in law-Rajini.

I was sitting in this nice cafe today when a girl passed by me and she looked like my sister in law. The funny part I havent really met this Rajini person. But, it is quietly sinking into me that she is going to be immediate family and soon at that. Wouldnt it be lovely to get dressed nicely and go out for lunch with bro and rajini?

Small joys which rush into my heart when I see a salad bar in a quiet way side cafe.

Simple ones when offered a lemonade with mint instead of an iced tea.

Of course meeting loved ones whom you havent met in a long time.

And much simpler when people are more nice to you than expected.

Life for me is in the smal, l'il, chut mut, things.

But contrary to what life is, the stress is on the bigger things in life and I guess it is back to my market visit for me.

Trapped

I entered the hotel after work today. At the entrance I noticed a lot of bedecked aunties. Oh not another party in the hotel, I thought to myself. Loads of Dinchak dinchak music again!

I was waiting for the elevator to come. When it reached my floor, another bevy of aunties came out of the elevator. Before the last one could step out the elevator door closed. Weird, I thought, because that was much lesser in time than what it usually takes to close. I helped her by pressing the elevator button from outside. I got in along with another girl and her mum. The aunty was holding her younger kid. Ah, cherubic I thought to myself looking at the kid. The elevator door closed and before I could press the third floor button, it started moving down. I thought someone must have called the elevator down. But NO!
The door opened again and I stared at concrete walls in front of me.

THE LIFT WAS STUCK!

okie calm. Press the alarm button as the instructions pointed out.

I pressed the alarm button only to realise it didnt work.

FREEZE! Isnt this one of those moments where you start panicking?

When you start thinking why you havent told your loved ones how much you love them?

How much you wish you werent there and elsewhere doing something else? Everything that movies, music, sitcoms tell you.

Well, to my surprise I turned out to be quite hmmm, optimisitic.

I had this feeling that nothing would happen.

We felt two jerks. I thought, "ah, the rescue mission is on".

I was mistaken again. The elevator door opened again and people asked if we were ok.

Ya sure. I am okie. I am in a elevator. Concrete walls staring at me. I sure am okie!!!

The door closed. The girl kept shouting" We are going to die!!Let me press some button and see" . I had half a mind to slap her. We started suffocating a bit. The tension was in the air.

The kid broke out into a whimper. The aunty joked with it saying,"why are you crying?"
The aunty was damn realistic.

She said, " We are not going to fall down and die" - How nice and optimistic like me.

She continued"We might just suffocate and die"


The door opened again. I could hear and see people above me. We were in between two floors. They passed us a chair and we all climbed out.


I came out. Started walking up the stairs as though nothing had happened. Reached my room.

Sat on the bed.

I noticed that my hands were shivering. It struck me. SHIT!!

SHIT.....OH MAN! SHIT!

happy high

I am a slightly happier person now. I have got my project.
This afternoon my boss called me to his room and decided to put an end to my chill out sessions.
He thought, thought, and thought.Finally landed on a particular topic. He was sweet and gave me a nice project about which I have no idea about.When I went downstairs to ask a few existing employees data on the particular project all that they did was snigger. One was gracious enough to say "heheheheeh.So you are the bakra for this project Huh??"
So i decided to start my market visit today. I was roasted and fried mid way through my list of outlets and was happy to see a mall on my market list. Entered the mall and started sipping some ice tea and sat there in the pretext of strategizing my project.


revelation of the day: My drivers name is Pushpinder and not Uspinder. I am really bad at this UP accent.


He was busy perfecting his vanishing act and I was victim to it almost thrice today.

I got out of the mall and realised I am too tired. How did i realise that? I was smiling to myself for no reason(Please refer to earlier blogs about how I can get high without drinking)I even felt like Elaine in seinfeld after she had downed some pain killer tablets. I saw an army truck pass by and thought they looked like the guys from Beverly Hilly billies!
I kept laughing.I was too damn tired. I started outsourcing my work by sending Pushpinder to find out where the shops were. Only if he confirmed it was existing and not closed down did I get out.
Meanwhile Pushpinder would locate all the possible PCO s and make calls to his girl friend much to my annoy.
I also realised that youth in india have no ambition.
I also feel they are conspiring against me.
All day all i could see was trendy youth ambling about in the streets, walking aimlessly with characters called boyfriends/girlfriends.
Man while I work my ass off here, all that they do is NOTHING. Gee, I am adding so much value to the nation(now I am blabberring)
I saw a school girl walking with her books and all I could think was" Man wish I could go back to campus/school days(not engg college but)"
I guess its all a mirage.
Anyways. I am off for the day.
I am still laughing.

Just chill.....chilll....just chill....

I am back in office. My boss is super busy today and has asked me to chill out till evening.
Went to a relatives house and fell asleep promptly. I havent done a thing in the last week but I have been working and sunday is the only day I get off. So i slept off. This is called cognitive psychology.
I am done with my share of throwing a few words which people have to google up and understand.
I am off till my boss calls me to brief me about the project.
Until then I am going to be reading blogs and "chilling out" just like my boss has asked me to.
I am also eavesdropping on all the sales people.My sales region has not had a very great month. So i guess it is going to be a lot "f***" in the air today.

one day at a time

On a quiet saturday afternoon
While I wait for my boss to come
While everyone ignores my presence on messengers
Lest I ask them to read my blog and comment
Life seems endless.
Three weeks at my first job have passed
I still feel like I am doing field work at TISS.
Looking at my management trainee t shirt with my company name on it, a colleague remarked
"oh that is nice. You need the t shirt. It gives a lot of enthu"
I am ready to wear 5 of those t shirts if I have to.
Life seems long and winding.
I am here unwillingly at this phase while all I want to do is go back to my earlier ones.
While am supposed to be all happy and chirpy and tell the world
"Hey look I have arrived",
I am just able to manage a feeble"I am still here- hanging but here"

A brand new day and some resolutions for the same!

Good morning Ppl!
I am at work. Today is the day I get to know my first project. (yes I work on saturdays. I am in a sales office remember?)
A friend of mine called me(on long distance) and said " Your blog is thankfully showing signs of getting better. Atleast it sounds remotely english"
I am enraged!! So I have decided to
1) Spell check all my entries.2) Format well3) Use punctuation appropriately4) Avoid the .... and the !!!!!!( I know for sure one friend who will be disappointed if I do this)5) Write at a speed which is much lesser than the speed of my thought(Which is the reason for all the errors)
My dad has managed to fish out a relatives address in Ghaziabad.So am off to their place for sunday. Some yumm food is on the cards.
I am also working on some tactics to get all my readers to comment on my blog. Any ideas please leave as comment(Normally I would have added a ;) and !. But I shall abstain.)
Have a great weekend people.

Of drivers and kings

Holaz to everyone...
After a tiring route ride, i went on a marathon reading session. I am currently engaged with "maximum city". I chose this book deliberatley because I am missing my days and friends in mumbai.
Unto a new a day and some new revelations.
My luck with car drivers has been quite bad. My driver at home -sankar has been with us for ages. But even today he can single handedly spoil my dad's mood due to bad driving.
Sankar used to drop me in school and college. He knew all my friends and would be angry with me if I didn't introduce my friends to him. He also knew which girl was going with which guy and hence would act as my personal gossip updater.
In college he was known to give a complex to my acquaintances. Every morning, I would be late and would speed till my college. The stretch from the entrance to the gate, he would speed like he was schumi's long lost trainer(also because i used to cry my throat hoarse that I was getting late). He even used to have juvenile speed contests with equally juvenile kids from my college. My classmate was once enraged with sankar trying to race with him. I was in the car studying for a test when sankar was trying to compete with this classmate. My colleague was completely convinced that i was egging my driver to do so while poor me was completely oblivious to what was happening around me.
Sankar's ideal world would be a road rash setting. the kinds where he can take a whip and lash out at near by drivers. Anyone trying to overtake sankar was a sinner and had to atone for it.
Sankar had no regard for dogs, cats, and at times even weak human beings scurrying past his vehicle. He was the king od the road.His vehicle was the best on the road. Any vehicle smaller than his had no right to overtake him. That rule would also apply to vehicles bigger than his.
He had a physical appearance to match up to this image. A bit portly, he had a moustache which would send virumandi scurrying into the jungle, veerappan cowering in fear. He was almost like a dacoit on the road. He usedto scare the hell out of the women on the road. His comments on women were scathing.
There was this girl who used to stay in our locality. I met her at a party and she came up and spoke to me and said" your driver is a menace to our colony.". Everyday when this girl left for college, sankar would follow her in our car and drive very close to her and in the process scare the hell out of her.
Sankar was a hindu by birth and chritian by choice. this aided him surely in one manner- he got holidays for both diwali and christmas.
Sankar had a love marriage and there was time when he used to regale my brother with his town bus love stories.
He can make friends with great ease. So much so he even gets parking space in a lot which is full.
The thumb rule is Sankar will never be found near the car. He will always be found at a distance from which he can spot us but we cant spot him. He will be invariably found smoking.
Well the natural question would be why do still have him as our driver.
My dad has tried sacking him a million times. But he always comes back. Sometimes he attacks my mum by some emotional blackmail. Even my mum has given up on him now.
But sankar does have some mean moves and turns I must say.
So I am now in the land of Ghaziabad where drivers of skoda spit on the roads while driving. The company sent me a cab. The driver was USPINDER. The first day Mr. USPs came to pick me up he did a turn which cleaned the road and settled all the dust and mud in my lungs.
Mr.Uspinder entertains(?) me with his love story every day ( thats is approx. 2 hours).
Mr.Usps is also never found near the car. Neither is he found when I need to move urgently.
When he promises he will be there on time, he is ABSENT(as was the case today).
So today I got a driver, who asked me first thing in the morning" Madam, what time will you leave today?"
On my way to work, this man honked continously for almost 1.5 minutes. For what? There were two scooters driving in front of us. After he over took them he started honking again at a car which was way ahead of him. Another King of the road.
I saw my lady luck, sitting on the car hood smiling contently with glee.

Say a l'il prayer for me

Our Boss, who never art in office,

Hallowed be thy Name, thy race.

Thy kingdom have I come.

In my appraisal will thy will be done.

On KRAs and performance bonuses.

Give us this day your precious time.

And forgive us our management trainee foolish pride

As we forgive those higher up who trample us.

And lead us not into weekly meetings,

But deliver us from route rides and depot visits.

For thine is the kingdom,

and the power,

and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

route riding

We all use the terms "neither here nor there", "here and there", "us and them"....
Today i quite experienced what it was.
Now if all of you are waiting for some spice filled story waiting to unfold. hehehehe am sorry. I was just referring to my route ride.
what is a route ride?
Route ride is a well.... ahem.... a ride which the company offers you- on a tin truck.
This is so that you visit the market and understand sales first hand.
I have done enough of the route rides. Starting from summers induction, during my project, during my finals induction and now. But I think it is like a perfect managers tool.
HA...trainee...what do i do with her? I have no time- send her on a route ride.
These bloody management grads who have no idea about the market relaities, I hate them- Send them on route rides.
Route rides are nothing less than the torture chair-LITERALLY.
So today i found myself on the front end of the truck, sitting amidst the sales executive who also doubles up as the driver and not one but two of his helpers. So if you know your math well- that is four of us in a seat meant for 2-3.
These guys are very courteous to you if you are nice to them. But nio matter how courteous I am, I end up having a silent fight with one of the helpers for space to sit inside the truck.
So today I went on a 5 hour route ride with my butt....well half my butt on the seat and the other half on a ....guess what?? a pepsi crate!!!!!!!!!
The guys were very nice and they bought me tanda(coke/thumsup). You cant refuse them because then they will not accept you. You have to drink the tanda even if you are a non-csd drinker.
On the way I took a break and stepped into a barista and grabbed a few bites.
I got a free darshan of sector 18 in Noida today. I sometimes dont understand the logic. Sector 18 has everything. I mean everything. From Papa John's to domionos to pizza hut to punjabi by nature to sagar ratna to lavanya to subway.
We roamed around sector 18. Every shop i visted tempted me to eat something. But I chose not to. The breads inside top breads, the sweets inside nathu sweets.
I also understood what people mean by between the devil and the deep sea. I was inside the truck.The sun blistering above us. I refused to get down because of the heat. But inside I was having a free sauna effect and sweating by the gallons.
I remembered enid blyton's usage of the sentence"the heat lulled them to sleep". I even managed to fall asleep inside the truck during an exceptionally long waiting period.
Then in order to get a bit more active I got down and went around some stores. I saw a store by name add-ons. I thought what a sad name for a store. But stepped in anyways. Once inside I was greeted b a polite elderly gentleman. It was a book store. Neatly arranged unlike Galgotias. The cool air on my skin felt like heaven. Then I realised what I wanted to do in life- I want to run a book store.
I will be the ever charming host.MY books will be neatly arranged. I will not put my books on discount saying" Akila recommends". I will have nice huge, colorful cushions. A tea bar will be there. Hot muffins are a must.
crash..... That was MY DREAM ENDING. Am back to reality. Of sales offices and toilets that dont flush.

AMMINJIKARAI AND ARAKONAM

While I was waiting in officefor my boss to come, a grand idea struck my head. This idea might help me achieve my dream of not having to work at all!!!
I have selected two places. These are potential high power cities. They are : Amminjikarai and arakonam.
I am going to build huge office buildings and ask all the corporates from the world to set up office there.
I will build office buildings in all shapes and sizes. Some offices will be in the underground.
These cities will have no public transport. So that all car companies can benefit from this and set up more factories here.
There shall be no safe place for people to stay on rent. So they will buy houses and this can send my real estates rates soaring.
I will also build malls so that people spend more on the junk food that gets manufactured in these cities.
I will also bring in some historical significance to my cities. Did you know Gurgaon was the place where Dronacharya's ashram was?
Well amminjikarai could have well been the place where T rajender had the inspiration for his songs.
and Arakonam could be the place which looks like half of the bermuda triangle when viewed from a helicopter.
For all those who are interested in investing in this idea of mine.....your money is in safe hands!

ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY

To all those have been missing me and my blog. I am Bach....
If you are like a friend of mine you will answer ," I am Mozart"....okie leaving my silliness behind, with no further due I
present to you MY LIFE!!!!!!
I am currently in Ghaziabad. My office is in Noida. I commute everyday for almost 90-100 minutes.
I have been put up in a hotel in ghaziabad. The reason being NOIDA IS UNSAFE.
I have got the better deal. My friends are currently in Jammu and Varanasi!
Yesterday I realised how creepy it can get to be alone. And parents freaking out on the other side of the phone doesnt
help at all. So to forget it all, I switched on the TV and ordered some food and drowned my sorrow.
I am currently learning the basic theoretical aspect of sales and will be thrown into the market from maybe tomorrow
onwards.
Well onto my thoughts.
I just realised that people in North India are completely ignorant of the existence of south India.
They just think of south india as a huge mass of land which produces coconut oil, idly vada sambhar.
All south Indians according to them are madrasis.
Conversations had in the past with other Indians.
Me: " I am from south India"
XYZ: " oh madras!!!"

ABC:"Isn't trivandrum a state?"
ABC(again)" I thought Bangalore was a state"
PQR: " Akila, I got your letter by fax. The ink was faded and I could barely make out the words Coimbatore. So I have entered
your location as chennai"
Me: " What?? It says coimbatore why would you enter chennai?"
PQR" It is all the same, isn't it?"
Me: " What??? noooooo. Okie Tamilnadu is a state and chennai and coimbatore are cities in that state"
PQR: " ya, that is true. But they just changed the name to chennai, didn't you know?"
Me: "oh?"

EFG:"You madrasis are so brilliant. I think it's because of the coconut oil you eat"
Me:" oh you mean the keralites"
EFG" Aren't you all the same?"

South Indian food means idly vada sambhar and masala dosa.
All south Indian movies are copied from hindi.
I have also noticed they are quite oblivious to our existence.
For eg. a North Indian would be offended if he hears two south Indians speak in tamil/mallu/telegu/kannada.
But if two north indians are talking in hindi you are expected to understand. If you dont you are expected to learn hindi.
SO my logic is shouldnt I also be offended that north Indians just presume I know Hindi?

I think south Indians are too tolerant. I also find south Indians wanting to ape the north Indians.
My brother's wedding functions include a mehendi ceremony. My sister in law is planning to wear a lehenga.The mehendi she is
going to wear is not the traditional south indian mailanji which takes 15 mins to apply but the north indian mehendi which
takes 3-4 hours to apply!
Have you ever heard a punjabi having valai kaapu function or wearing a nine yards saree?
If you tell a south indian girl that she looks like a north indian she will be pleased beyond explanation.
But if you tell a north Indian woman she looks like a south indian she will be offended!!!!
I have also noticed that south indians who have been settled in north india take pride in talking hindi fluently. But all my
north Indian friends who have lived all their life in south india hate to be heard speaking tamil in public!

I think we Indians are a hateful lot. The tamils think mallu's are kanji's while the mallus think we tams are pandis.The tams think telegus are goltis.
We all think bengalis are bongs and the bongs in turn think they are the superior of the lot.
If you are a parsi you are a bawa to the world, the marwaris are kanjoos while the gujjus are baniyas!
The townies think the pahadis are a dirty lot while the pahadis think the townies have come to dirty their land.

All in all we are one big bickering family!

In the corporate world also people are parochial but in a different sense. They are parochial about their departments.
The sales guy think sales drives the world. My friend kichu was right when she said " sales people know only one word- I"
Marketing and supply chain serve sales while HR is a useless burden for them.
The marketing guys are too suave to allow anyone come near them.
The supply chain guys think they run the company. The IT guys spy on all of them and reprt them.
Hr....hmmmm while all this happens HR is quite oblivious to the action and considers itself as the backbone while supports
the bickering organization.
The FMCG guys think, BPO/KPOs are useless while the BPO guys think FMCG as an industry is archaic.
The management consultants think they are here to save the lot while the rest of the industry think the consults are
brainless.
According to me everyone is qequally useless. We create a need, con the public by making them believe their life is
incomplete without it and sell the product.

I have noticed in the past few days that the whole of corporate India's favourite past time is HR bashing. Right from the
sweeper till the CEO love to indulge in this activity.

XYZ(thinking to himself) I am so bored. Want to take a break. Let me go kick some HR butt.

Nothing to talk in the meeting- kick some HR butt.

Feeling unimportant and useless-surefire remedy-kick some HR butt.

Today a friend who was done with his work tried to spend some time by indulging in some HR bashing.
A few minutes into the conversation I said" hey you know what? HR is useless. We do nothing. We trouble others. And guess what?? we get paid for this!!! While you slog your ass off and get paid peanuts...hmmmm...wonder why?"!
He was dumbstruck. He was feeling like" damn how can I continue this conversation?"


Maybe I am just going to write a book like shiv khera and say" Loser dont just bashing. they do Hr bashing". Okei sad one....sorry junta. Me got to run. The day has ended. Back to my main aur meri tanhayee!!!

And for all those who are useless,vella, have loads of time on their hands, lots of money to spare please call me and give me
company!!!!

change of plans

You know how it is when you think of olden days and say"what stupid things we do" and probably even laugh over it?

I am considering my decision of choosing to be in the FMCG industry.

I am in fact considering my decision of doing an MBA.

In fact even my decision of dreaming of being an independent woman.

My ambition levels are at an all time low and I am completely ready to get married and settled down. But only to a rich young man.(Any takers?)


To be continued.......

SONA PANI....

Before i begin on my ramblings, I want to clarify a few things.

**** Why dont i write something on a general note asked a friend of mine....everything in your blog looks like a personal diary.

Ans: I dont write because.....simple...I cant write! I write on what matters most to my heart. I write on what enthuses me to write. So if this something on a general note enthuses me...I will surely write..


Went for a lunch meeting to the DLF Golf course and country club last afternoon. What a place. Friends and other well bred co interns claim it is the best golf course they have ever seen.

In fact it had a quite commercial aspect to it. In the fact that residential buildings were coming up on either side who's USP was "view of golf course"!!!!

Anyways, after a decent lunch and a great dessert, I came to the conclusion that tamil brahmins as a race are cursed creatures.

We as a race lack the ability to smooth talk and pretend. We have forever been taught to be straightforward. So while the rest of the interns gushed " OH it is so beautiful"...."oh...this....oh that...." I sat there. I did speak...Of course. But only sense and when it mattered.

Have decided to learn the art of doing time pass talk..... which can be

"oh what lush green lawns"... This sentence has to be immediately followed by a sentence where you have to take either a brand name, some up market place.

"i think these are better than royal palms. Have you been to the The Club?"

I formulating a little book of nonsense ramblings in my brain and I think after 10 corporate dinners I can write a dossier.

But the boss who took us out for dinner seemed really nice.

This week we are leaving for sona pani- a small hill town near mukteshwar. A small trek to the resort owned by a couple. I have read earlier about this place. Shall write more after I come back.

We have an outbound training there where we have to do rappelling and other things. MY sense of balance and ability to walk five feet without falling is world famous. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

The locations that we will be headed to after this week were almost declared yesterday. While the lone guy in our group gets to goto Jamshedpur, two girls get to goto jammu and two get to goto east UP.

Considering my wonderful luck I think I will be heading for East UP soon. Maybe to Bareilly.

one month there and then again mystery about the locations.

But I listened quite carefully to the ppts and found the plausible locations. It can be

chandigarh, ludhiana, amritsar, taratala,dankuni(the last 2 locations are near kolkata)


So am off now.... travails of a kid turned corporate shall continue.....

did you know?

After three days of induction my words of gyan…


DID YOU KNOW?

 BPW(BEVERAGE PARTNERSHIP WORLDWIDE) is a partnership between Coca cola and Nestle? So that means they co own all ready to drink beverages like nestea etc. But the same nescafe powder/vending machines belong to nestle. Only ready to drink beverages!!!!

Okie after that informative piece… here are some completely useless piece of information.

 My office has a bathroom inside the ladies loo which has glass doors….
Now I got curious because it was complete with shower and everything. Hmmmm…. Interesting
 It helps to use your CEO’s name every 5 minutes. Like I was with XYZ. XYZ had held me up. XYZ has called me. Now That shows how important you are.
 My favourite corporate phrase is “sorry?”. Now it’s not sorry…..it is sorry?
You have to say sorry? When you haven’t heard something properly. Sorry? When you are buying time for your boss’s question. Sorry? To express your disapproval of somebody’s comment. It is like f***/ fudge….sorry? except that whenever someone says sorry? I feel like blurting out eggjactly(for those who don’t get the joke watch salaam namaste)
 My other favourite words are flavour, unique, align,paradigm, strategize. You can use them anywhere, anytime. As long it is there it is good.
 My other favourite line is You know……
Frankly I don’t know…but since you insist ..maybe I do know!
The more years of experience you have, the more you knows you should use in your sentence. The less you have to speak the more you knows should feature in your sentence.

You know is the corporate version of yatayata yata!!!!

 Saw a really nice cover of an annual report. It had an outline of a contour bottle and said,” quick, name a soft drink in a second..” try it!
 There is no one mantra for success. There are lots. In fact everything is a mantra. Whichever works is the best mantra!
 Most companies have everything in the process(forever)
 I realised I hate being called babe by anyone except for my brother who calls me bayb!
 There will always be worldwide standards and worldwide exceptions in standards.
 Difference between Management trainees and summer trainees?
 Nothing MTs are treated with a bit more respect than STs. They are both equally unimportant and useless in a company and ya also the most easily forgotten in the organization. No organization chart has an MT/ST in it. So technically you are non existent.


 All big guys in the organization are nice as long as they are in minority and you are in majority. That is when statements like, “ please call me up when you feel you need some info”, “ I believe in an open door policy”, “ drop me a mail”. Try all this on a one to one basis and you are sure to get fired!
 I love fresh office supplies. They enthuse me to do work.
 People are inherently lazy
 Theory X rocks
 Theory Y rocks selectively.
 Half the brand names are cute but don’t mean in daily language. Snapple?? Fanta, springle???!
 Every brand manager is thinking of a 1000 things his brand means, but in real you don’t even think half of it applies.
 Coke was used as a headache medicine in olden days. I want to give some for Medha Patkar.
 Every department thinks it is the most vital dept. in the organization, except maybe HR!!!
 The most fashionable statement in corporate world is to say” I have a bad memory for names”. Wonder how come people remember their names:P!
 I am super sure that the work I am cut out to do is that of an office assistant.
 People love to bash the HR department. The sad part is they fail to realise they are equally useless.
 People love to take credit for whatever vague thing they hear.
 Anu is right when she says don’t make anything larger than life. Including your job…..
 Forgot to mention….hand movements while talking to people helps to distract them from hearing the shit you are talking. I use it all the time.
 I can get tipsy without drinking. I just need to be tired and listening to ppts the whole days. I start laughing for nothing and get all tipsy!
 And again….forgot to mention….an accent helps while in the corporate world. Even if you were born in ammijikarai and brought up in kammangarai.

Finally MY LAST AND FINAL PIECE OF INFO….cliched, but def. useful. Take pride in what you do and you will love it.


PS: I wrote all this in my notepad, throughout my third day of induction.That is why the disconnect in the points! Will collate them all and publish a book. You can be a corporate too!